Moving and Blogging are Hard

So I was recently reminded by several of my dear friends that I had not updated the blog in a while. I "poo pooed" them stating how much packing and purging I was getting done, and that is very true, I have been getting quite a bit of my requisite packing in. But the real truth is that what started out as a fun, albeit quirky way, to chronicle the process of this journey, unpackaging my true feelings about leaving my family, friends--my home--has been challenging to say the least. The reality that I am leaving home--not just the house--but the place where I was born--the place where the formative seeds of who I am and who I am becoming were planted by my parents, teachers, neighbors, friends--even with all of its problems ( violence being at the very top of the list)--is daunting. This became more paramount when I realized that we were approaching July 10th--which would have been my mother's 80th birthday. Days before, I was weepy, emotional, anxious, slightly overwhelmed, but deteremined to push through. I don't think I said much to anyone, except for maybe the kids and the hubster, about it being Annie Ruth's birthday. The reality is that, more often than not, I find myself supressing my thoughts about her. I mean I can talk about her to other people, but it's the times when I am alone that I really force myself NOT to think about her. I know that sounds like such a sucker move, but it's true. And today, one week after her birthday, I finally decided to go through all of her business papers, which I have been dreading for weeks now. After going through the typical stuff--old check books ( mostly with checks written out to my oldest brother!!!!!!!!!!!), bank statements, bills, obituaries ( why do old people keep every single obit of every single person they ever knew????), I came across her birth certificate of "live" birth, as well as those of my father's and my two brothers. I also found my parents' marriage certificate ( yea! they really were married, we aren't a bunch of bastards!), her cerificate of baptismal, and each and everyone of my elementary school report cards from St. Sabina!. For those of you who are doubters, this kid has been a genius from the start!
I also found some of my more radical writings from college including an article entitled, "When the European Nations Crumble, Africans Will Lead," from The Third Eye magazine, founded by Jeff Carr, Monica Peek, James threekill, Jerry Ingram, Van Jones, and yours truly. We were a cross between X-Clan and National Public Radio, now that I think about it. We were some "down for the cause" Afrikans (yup, with a 'K")! Who would have thought that Van Jones would go on to lead the Green Movement straight to the White House, Monica Peek, is part of a star line-up of brilliant doctors at the "forefront of medicine" at U of C, Jeff Carr, Nashville's brightest thespian, and I would be heading down south?????
Thanks to my mother, I am able to look back at who I was and really trace the (often times askew) trajectory of who I am becoming. Give thanks for that. I do miss my mother, and I hope that by leaving Chicago, my memory of her won't become as distant to me, as I will be to home.